dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
