i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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