Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
