HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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