I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
