And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I need water and some morals
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
