high people should be assigned attendants
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize