i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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