Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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