I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
