Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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