420 ftw
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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