Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize