Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
