somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
