Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
