singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Someone came in the potted fern
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
