YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
