if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
