I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If that was your dad, he is hot
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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