i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
