I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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