these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
