yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
