I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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