eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
