I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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