I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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