the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
