What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
