I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
