It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Randomize