I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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