Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
