A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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