Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
