Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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