her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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