I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
