Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
