I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
