I'm gonna have a badass scar
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize