also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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