Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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