You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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