do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize