She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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