if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
