I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
