So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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