Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
