You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
