Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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