Yo dont text me then not text me
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
