the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
