Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
