I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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