when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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