end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
time to smoke my breakfast
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize