I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
