You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
