my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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