I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I understand Curling. That high.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
