did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
