Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Randomize
