do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
