drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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