I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
