omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There's always time for handjobs
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
